I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
