Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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