my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
