i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
