Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
