That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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