if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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