So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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