I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize