bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
