I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
