I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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