she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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