At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
