Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
