I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
