btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
