I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
