did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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