he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
