Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
