This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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