I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
