Its about making memories worth repressing
This house was built for laser tag.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
