He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
