i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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