Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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