My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
