Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
