she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
