so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
