I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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