Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
