I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
