My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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