Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
