sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
