my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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