I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
