I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I still have a little drunk in my system
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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