are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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