I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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