I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
