Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
