Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
