woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
