And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
