my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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