My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
