Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had to cum in my sink.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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