he wants to bone in the snuggie
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
