I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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