Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would fuck him just for his dog
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