I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
