That's when you crack a 10am beer
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
