Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
