If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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