Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
