so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
