hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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