So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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