ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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