I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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