Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
