Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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