she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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