I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
