the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
