Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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