Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
