I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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