Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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