I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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