The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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